When a book has been compared repeatedly to Ocean’s 11, the cast of characters might be warranted.
Paragon Security
‘Chunk’ McNeil: Former police detective. FSU DLine back in the day.
Zoe Piper: Half Chunk’s age, ginger-haired, punk cut, hacker, armed with what is destined to become the next great tool for personal protection.
The Enigma tour
Hermione Starr: Chaperone for the models in the tour. Low-mid 40s, but pretty hot. No one knows, but she’s a black belt and a pretty good shot with a pistol. And a penchant for playing a little fem-dom
Gareth Gane: promotions manager for Enigma and keeper of the Ice Chest.
Ricky Vandella: Irish comedian (on the C-list and falling) who is the MC for the ‘Birds of Paradise’ tour
Clarissa Cartwright: Enigma’s IT girl this year. She’ll be wearing the crown jewel of the Birds of Paradise tour making her the current face of Enigma. Was Mario’s girlfriend until she mistakenly received a photo of Mario having a happy ending to a meal while she’s out on this Enigma tour.
The Atlanta thieves
Uncle Rafe Valentine: Branson’s uncle. Dreams up the idea to steal the Ice Chest. Small time thief in Atlanta. Spent his days while incarcerated in prison libraries with his nose in Word Power books to improve his vocabulary
L.B. Gordon: Rafe’s thief partner. His mom was a bit of a literary nut and named her kids after great writers. L.B. stands for Lord Byron. He’s gone by L.B. his entire life. Can’t blame him.
Elihu and Japeth Lowman: Georgia twins who grew up in the Church of the First Fruits Unto God and To The Lamb, or COTFFUG&TTL for short. The high priest felt that he should be the only one to procreate with the female believers and castrated the men and all boys when they reached puberty. Both are built like linebackers. Being a eunuch means a kick in the crotch has no effect on them.
The New Jersey connection
Mario Allegretti: son of Silvio, NJ mob boss. Boyfriend—make that ex-boyfriend—of Clarissa if she has her way. But he did have a nice dinner that night.
Aldo “Moose” Cantone: Allegretti muscle sent to Atlanta to keep an eye on Clarissa for Mario who learns he has a thing for a fem-dom. Mistakenly sent the photo to all contacts in Mario's phone.
Paul Chirelli: a mob old-timer, as skilled with making a suggestion as he is with a firearm.
The Innocents caught up in the mess
Branson: Early 20s. and nephew of Uncle Rafe Valentine. Does bus boy and room service for the Imperial Hotel where the show will be held. Got his eye on Stephanie. Nice guy caught up in his uncle’s scheme. Tries to do the right thing and mostly fails.
Stephanie: Waitress at the Imperial Hotel. Sort of likes Branson because he is real. Solid. Lives with a clown, literally.
The Ice Chest
The object of everyone’s attention, the crown jewel of this year’s line of luxury lingerie. Enigma’s $5 million dollar, jewel encrusted bra.
Paragon Security (Chunk and Zoe in charge) has been hired to protect the Ice Chest (that’s what everyone on the tour calls the pricey bra). It’s a nightmare trying to balance exposure, publicity, travel and security. Too many people have access from the dozens of models, stylists, costumers, management, and hangers-on, most of whom have something dicey in their background check.
Advance publicity prompts Uncle Rafe and L.B. to work out a plan to steal the Ice Chest. They need an inside man, Rafe’s nephew Branson. Rafe and L.B. work out a plan, before grabbing the Lowman twins to help if and when muscle is needed.
On the big day, a diversion sends the show into chaos. As the models scramble for the exit, Clarissa and the Ice Chest get pulled out and stashed into a delivery van driven by the Lowman boys.
Local Atlanta detectives are less than useless. Chunk and Zoe figure they are soon to be out of a job, Hermoine, too, and figure it might help their causes if they can find Clarissa and the bra. Branson is having 2nd, 3rd, and 4th thoughts about his role, Moose has lost sight of Clarissa so Mario and Paul fly in to take over, Rafe and L.B. set out to fence the stones and get rich, no one can find Clarissa or Branson forcing Mario and Paul to lean on Stephanie, but she knows nothing until they all find their way to an abandoned warehouse to settle scores and, just maybe, eliminate unnecessary witnesses, until Ricky Vandella arrives with delusions of saving everyone’s ass.
This is J.D. Rhoades first foray into comedic crime. The Shamus-nominated Rhoades is one of the early pioneers, I guess you could say, in one of my favorite genres: red-neck noir with his Jack Keller series (you really should read those. Each has been reviewed here at MRB). And Rhoades hit a hanging curve high over the far fence. This is a flat out riot. Loved it from the first chapter. Character development, imagination, dialogue, twists, you name it. A brisk 300-page book easily read in a day or two. I’ve no clue about how one would draft out the outline for comedic violence, but Rhoades surely seems to have the formula.
East Coast Don
p.s. Zoe’s soon-to-be hot item in personal protection? The Hello Kitty Taser. Where do I buy stock?
J.D. has his stuff down like a champ, an absolute joy to read.
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