Confessions of a Sociopath

Confessions of a Sociopath by M.E. Thomas (a pseudonym) is a nonfiction work by a law professor, a memoir. Beyond being a memoir, it was well-documented academically with regard to research that has been done on sociopathy. As a psychiatrist who has been in practice for 36 years, I have more than just an academic interest in this topic. I have more than just a wish to know more so I can help my patients. A few decades ago, I was in a too-long relationship with a sociopath, 14-months, and that was the most painful and the most instructive relationship of my life. Think about trying to live with someone who is beautiful, charming, endearing, but cleverly lies and cheats without a conscience.

At least in one sense, this book is a remarkable confessional. Normally one would think of a confessional as a statement of expunging guilt. That’s not the case for Ms. Thomas. Rather, she denies feeling guilty about her behaviors and argues that being a sociopath is actually an advantage in many situations. I thought this might be an oversexed tell-all type book, but it was not that. Thomas talked about her sexuality, but only as a means of furthering her discussion on her personality disorder. That’s the gist of it.

I thought you might like to read some of the data from the author: “Recent estimates say that 1 percent to 4 percent of the population” is a sociopath. “But the heart of morality is something I have never understood.” I agree with her that sociopathy exists on a spectrum of severity. With regard to seeking help when there have been repeated failures of relationships and jobs, Thomas writes, “I was so desperate for answers that I had begun seeing a therapist, but she was nothing more than a thing for me to toy with, and even then, she was too expensive for the limited satisfaction our sessions gave me.” She notes, “Sociopaths actually know what society considers right and wrong most of the time, they just don’t feel an emotional compulsion to conform their behavior to societal standards.” She admits that she never quite grew out of her inability to learn from experiences, and she noted the trouble she had reading emotional cues from people she encountered. “I learned a lot from my parents. I learned to limit the emotional effect that other people could have on me. I learned to be self-sufficient. They taught me that love is exceedingly unreliable, and so I have never relied on it.”

“I believe that a lot of the sociopath’s traits such as charm, manipulation, lying, promiscuity, chameleonism, mask-wearing, and lack of empathy are largely attributable to a very weak sense of self. I believe that all personality disorders share a distorted or abnormal sense of self. The concept of a sociopathy having an extremely flexible sense of self is not entirely original to me, but it is not often clearly stated in the scientific literature. I compiled my information from piecing together seemingly disparate elements of the literature on sociopaths in a way that conformed with my own personal experience. Psychologists look at the list of sociopathic traits and think they understand the ‘what,’ but they don’t understand the ‘how.’ I believe the ‘how,’ the origin of many of our observed behaviors, is that we don’t have a rigid sense of self. I believe that this is the predominant defining characteristic of a sociopath.”

How about this: “I think that sociopathy gives me a natural competitive advantage, a unique way of thinking that is hardwired into my brain. I have an almost invincible confidence in my own abilities. I am hyper-observant of the flow of influence and power in a group. And I never panic in the face of crisis…. My sociopathic traits make me a particularly excellent trial attorney, as compared to, for instance, an attorney who must learn and adhere to typeface requirements for court documents or carefully cull through millions of documents redacting minutiae. I’m cool under pressure. I charm and manipulate. I feel no guilt or compunction, which is handy thing to have in such a dirty business…. The stereotypes about the bloodlessness of lawyers are true, at least about the good ones. Sympathy makes for bad lawyering, bad advocacy, and bad rule-making.”

She writes, “Ruining people. I love the way that phrase rolls around on my tongue and inside my mouth. Ruining people is delicious.” Not surprisingly, she declares, “Still, I am not used to long-term relationships. I still have not managed to keep a romantic relationship going for longer than eight months.” I thought Thomas captured the essence of her sociopathic condition and the loneliness that us non-sociopaths would feel from the life she leads. This is a woman who is teaching future lawyers how a lack of conscience is a good thing – as a doctor with extensive forensic experience, I fundamentally disagree with her on that point.